Changing oneself
Posted: Sunday, November 22, 2009
by Alexis Davenport-Smith
Have you ever woken up and thought I am going to be different today. I am going to have a new attitude and not let the people who upset me at work get to me, I am going to be a new me, a new, improved me. Well that's exactly how I thought today.
As long as I can remember I have never liked who I was, I was always comparing myself with other people, my sister, my friends, my enemies etc. I always wanted to be like they were. I never seemed to fit in to a click, I wasn't an academic wasn't smart enough, I wasn't a musician wasn't interested in playing anything, I certainly wasn't in the "IN" group I wasn't hip enough and so on and so forth.
However it has taken me a long, long time to get to the stage where I want to change for me. I had to get a divorce, go to counselling and meet someone who lifted the shutters that were hiding my eyes.
From someone who didn't know how to pay a bill, buy food, have an allowance. I am now someone who can budget, has a decent job, is a single parent with a mortgage and I should really appreciate just how far I have come. Oh please do not get me wrong I still worry about money, how I am going to afford things (This is my first Christmas alone) and how to drive to new places before, I was never allowed to go anyway and I had to ask for money if I was small things to many people can be a major dilemma to myself, but the major bonus is I am free I no longer have to listen to how stupid I am, that I can't try for a new job as the job I am in is a good one, that I can't get my hair done, or buy make-up.
A major achievement that I did only a few days ago was to stand up to my sister and mother by informing my sister that she had to stop identifying me as the "little" sister, by informing them that I am adult who can make my own mind believe it or not that was quite difficult even though I am in my late 30s. But you know what it was a wonderful, fulfilling moment I actually feel like I am at last becoming the real me, lets see what happens tomorrow.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Hi Alexis Davenport-Smith.Well done!
Good article, Alexis - thanks for joining my fan club and welcome to Searchwarp - looking forward to reading more of your pieces! Marijo (Mary Jo is how it is pronounced)
Hi Alexis. Thank you for sharing this to us. Well done. Welcome to the Searchwarp Community and wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving Day. ~Nenita~
Hey Alexis, Welcome to Searchwarp.Great article... I'm writing a book that's coming out in May 2010 and one of my chapters talks about exactly that.But mine is at night when I go to bed and say, "tomorrow I will be good to myself, tomorrow I will not eat a bag of marshmallows, tomorrow..."Success comes at a price, but it sure is worth it.Best of luck with your writing.~Krystalina Soash~
Amazing how it's so much easier to "change" someone else...the real challenge is when you try and do it to yourself. My family still treats me as if I'm 14...hasn't changed in the 33 years since then either.I am glad I am not the only one who feels like that - thank you for sharing that with me
I'd like for you to read my article,(this site) How To be Happy Living Alone. It contains most of the things I would want to tell you in this space. Hang in there. EllaI have read your article Ella and THANK YOU - so much of what you wrote hit home. I have put it in my favourties THANK YOU
Kudos to you for your decision to be good to yourself. Change is hard. I tried to do it alone but when I invited the Lord into my life and sought out good strong spiritually healthy people for mentors my life started to change. It still goes on today after many years and I think that is healthy. Thanks for joining my fan club. Linda DThank you Linda - I think your right in what you say - I hope and pray that I can
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